Autumn in October is one of my favorite times of year. It wakes my senses to memories of pumpkin everything, dropping temperatures, clove cigarettes, cooking marathons, leaves changing color, crisping up and falling off trees, wood fires, days hushed by longer periods of darkness and gentle cool breezes carrying sounds of crickets through open windows to lull me to sleep at night. I do love autumn. When I lived in Boston I would look forward to the leaf peeping and cool fall hikes. The leaves have already peaked this year in Maine and New Hampshire, where I used to hike the most. Fortunately, there is still time here to witness this stunning annual metamorphosis. Since I cannot hike, I will have to observe from a car, not the ideal situation. I want to get out and experience it any way that I can. It’s an important part of my life and I don’t want to miss it this year just because my circumstances are not ideal.
Find leaf peaks near you. http://www.fs.fed.us/fallcolors/2013/
October is also the beginning of what I call The Fattening Season. It is when celebration season begins and there is an abundance of sweets, rich food and libations available to be consumed. Gluttony abounds and is actually encouraged. It’s like we all fall into a 17th century Dutch painting. I recently went to the High Museum to see Girl with a Pearl Earring: Dutch Paintings from the Mauritshuis. I suppose Jan Steen’s “As the Old Sing, So Twitter the Young” is fresh in my head and is a fitting image to this season.
I was lucky enough to go twice, with two separate sets of friends. It is always fun to experience art with others and even better when you can view it more than once. I saw new things in each painting the different times that I went. Also, my companions saw and pointed out completely different things from me and each other in the paintings. One of the fantastic things about art is that it is so subjective. Everyone sees the world so differently and I enjoy learning what others see. I often wonder about other people’s realities and I think that art is an ideal way to have a peek into someone else’s mind.
Today, I will give you a peek into my mind. (And in case you haven’t been in there before, it’s a little kooky!) I am busy thinking of what I am going to do after I win big in the lottery this evening. I bought a lottery ticket on Saturday. Actually, I bought two and since the first one didn’t win, I am sure that this one will. I figure this thought isn’t any more irrational than any other thought I have. There are no guarantees in life and no one knows what the future holds so if I project this belief, then perhaps it will come true. It’s worth a try. Someone has to win and if I don’t win, I suppose the worst thing will be my disappointment. What will I do after I win?
Obviously, the first thing to do is set up a trust to make sure my family and myself are comfortable for the rest of my life. Then I would hire a private physical therapist/trainer and learn how to walk again. This would involve building muscle in not only my right leg but also my entire body. I want have the strength and knowledge to move properly and avoid any accidents or injury in the future while obtaining optimal health.
After that, I would like to set up a foundation to heal broken people through nature and art. I don’t know how that would look or what exactly I even mean by that. It is an idea I had a while back when I was thinking about what I would ideally like to do in life. That is what I imagined. It combines the things I care about: nature, art and helping people. Those are three very broad subjects and I think that I could make that work with the help of a team of creative, smart people. There’s certainly no shortage of those around here. Brilliant people surround me!
When I refer to healing broken people that encompasses a vast range too. As I see it, everyone is broken in some way. Some only have a few cracks in the façade, some have been shattered, and others have deep fault lines down to their very core. I have yet to meet someone that did not have cracks, breaks, fractures or even something like the San Andreas Fault in their life. We all need help and very few ask for it.
I guess after that it’s all gravy. My top priorities are my health, my family and making a difference. Sure, I would travel—appropriately starting with a fantastic jaunt up and down the San Andreas Fault and the entire west coast. I’m sure that my blog entries would be much more titillating! How fantastic would it be to write a travelogue complete with stunning photography and video? For now, I can only imagine, fantasize, project these thoughts and believe it will come true. Words have a certain kind of magic. When you speak (or write) thoughts and desires, and let them be known, they tend to take on a life of their own. I’m sure many of you probably think this is silly, naïve and completely unrealistic. Perhaps it is. Nevertheless, I am still here, musing on the couch, waiting for my appointment on Friday with the surgeon.
The plan was to x-ray the foot and then start partial weight bearing. I assume this means that I will also start physical therapy. It will be nice to begin that and have some definite direction and goal setting. It is very difficult to wait and have my only instructions be: don’t put weight on your foot. It has been 17 weeks since my injury and I have not put any weight on my foot or leg since then. My leg appears to have lost at least 50% of its muscle tone. It scares me what will happen on Friday, the next few weeks and months. I suppose that is why I prefer to imagine pleasant things instead of what my reality may become. I will continue to keep my thoughts positive and focus on winning big in the lottery this evening. I will win. One way or another, I will come out a winner. That I truly believe.